a Negro infidel quest for freedom, justice and equality

Pastor Long’s Sex Tape and Not All Pastor’s Seduce nor Coerce

In Uncategorized on September 27, 2010 at 1:07 pm

I can hear the back and forward motion of church fans across the country,  steadily increasing as the temperature rises, upon anticipation of the latest hot News: a sex tape on a cell phone of pastor Long and a NEW Long Fellow mentee to hit the streets this week.   Long error is his hypocrisy and abuse of power only – not his homosexual desires.

Long’s is VERY different than most black pastors with same sex attraction(SSS) who stand behind the pulpit.  Long’s  over-the-top largess and powerful influences differentiates him far apart from the norm.  All of which feed a self-focus, an egotism, a narcissism that leads him to believe that, that he can do whatever he want. He’s invincible. And there will be no consequences.

Long’s scandal certainly has a few of my former pastor friends and past clergy lovers digging deeper into the DL closet.

Following CNN host Don Lemmons, who revealed a past secret, I feel the need to speak out on behalf of many same gender loving black pastors, on the down low, who do not abuse their position and are real men of integrity.    I’ve said it before, I know too many pulpit pastors with same sex secrets(SSS).   And yes, I’ve dated a few pastors, slept with a few and been in a long-term monogamous relationship too.

At the age of 19, I was that sang’n choir boy who traveled with the senior pastor  as a musical compliment, part-time assistant, and mentee.   Pastor didn’t coerce nor seduce me; he saw something within me that  I couldn’t see:  an unaware , gay, young man.   However, I was coerced and seduced repeatedly, but not by pastor or any male — it was the females who were doing the seducing and coercing. I was new, attractive, young, working,  attending college,  and a good singer.

I’ll never forget when I brought my girlfriend to church.  Actually, pastor encouraged me to bring her often.  But soon I succumbed to the manipulative women of the church; I repeatedly cheated on my girlfriend with other women( much older women) from my church and surrounding churches.

My senior pastor was a renaissance man: degreed,  well read, intelligent, and extremely funny.  I guarnered regional prestige and status when traveling with pastor; he was a well known man of God in the surrounding area and  known for bringing a dead church alive with his dynamic personality and skill, to include,  ALWAYS accompanied by a slamming vocal arrangement from a quartet to full choir.  Certainly, Pastor was envied.  It was later  I discovered that pastor would show me off ( sport me as his shelf piece/toy boy) to his SSS counterparts from neighboring church and around the state.  Yes, the choir boy role was flattering with such attention; however, at retreats and conferences, some of the advances by participants were a bit strong and obvious, although harmless; nevertheless, by then, I knew that homosexual men ruled the gospel music scene.

I eventually dumped my girlfriend and continued my sexual exploration with much older women from the churches.  As I look back, I kept fu*#ing to subconsciously prove my heterosexuality.   But then she came along.  She was tall, fine, chocolate, and very feminine.  We dated and quickly became an item.  Never shall I  forget her; she was the last women I dated and the last female I had sex with.  When having sex with her I began to fantasize about sex with men while hitting it from the back.   I knew then, No more!  My church sexcapades with church ladies were over. And once again, I dumped a beautiful girlfriend for a sabbatical  to discover my true sexuality.

And pastor was still there awaiting my sexual awareness arrival.  I admired pastor because he had not tried to coarse me into a sexual orientation that I wasn’t ready to admit existed within me.  Then, nearly 22 years old, I went to my first gay club. And in that setting, absolutely, without doubt, I knew my sexual orientation.  I told a female friend, while inside this club, that I’m gay.  She was happy for me .  And I was happy too.  Soon my gaydar skills became sharpened and I saw my church world in a whole new light.  I had a safe place to come out to myself and an entrance into a network of a special secret order of same gender loving clergy and others.

The anti-gay message causes more harm by pushing gay, lesbian, bi and questioning congregants and officials deeper undercover (DL). They, hide behind the pulpit, first lady, and the word -not hoping God make them new again, but PRAYING not to get caught.

Saints, I know what I’m talking about!!! This ain’t speculation, or pontification – it’s conclusive, creditable, and confirmed.

Too often I think of Donnie McClurklin, Rev. DL Foster and others who are professed ex-gays; they are fooling no one! Black church folks know God doesn’t  change sexual orientation. I know first hand the struggles they endure and the life-long torment. Such is a cross I’d never care to bare.  However, realistically, it’s too late to turn back for many pastors, due to so much at stake to lose.

I told a gay COGIC  pastor, and partner, to simply give it up – if he’s so unhappy. He said, “I can’t – that’s all I know.” I eventually relinquished the relationship because he knew all about church but very little about himself. Today, he remains behind the pulpit – tormented.

Today, I’m a secular humanist because I simply do not believe the lies; I stopped drinking the kool aid.   I continue to love  gospel music but I extract its positive philosophical message and discard the biblical content.

Unequivocally, Eddie Long is guilty.  Unlike my former senior pastor and many others, Long utilized his power and mentorship to feed a self-focus, an egotism, a narcissism that leads him to believe that, that he can do whatever he want. He’s invincible. And there will be no consequences.

I’m writing because not all pastor with SSS are manipulative;  most are wise men watching over us younger journeymen.  They remember their own road toward enlightenment and wish to help somebody as they pass along.

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